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British Comedy: Blackadder quotes

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Blackadder is, in my opinion, the best British comedy show ever produced. It's a "historical sitcom", taking place during the Middle Ages, Elizabethan England, the early 19th century, and the 1st World War. So you've guessed it, there were four series (of 6 episodes each) running on BBC TV from 1983 until 1989.

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These are quotes from only a couple of episodes, namely:

Blackadder III, Amy and Amiability

Baldrick : Don't worry mister B, I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
Blackadder : Yes Baldrick, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem of your mother's low ceiling by cutting off her head.

Baldrick : My favourite's the Shadow. What a man! They say he's half way to being the new Robin Hood.
Blackadder : Why only half way?
Baldrick : Well he steals from the rich, but he hasn't gone round to giving it to the poor yet.

Blackadder : If you can't make money, you'll have to marry it.
Prince George : Marry? Never! I'm a gay bachelor, Blackadder, I'm a roarer, a rogerer, a gorger and a puker! I can't marry, I'm young, I'm firm buttocked, I'm...
Blackadder : Broke?
Prince George : Well, yes, I suppose so.
Blackadder : And don't forget sir, that the modern church smiles on roaring and gorging within wedlock, and indeed rogering is keenly encouraged.
Prince George : And the puking?
Blackadder : Mm. I believe still very much down to the conscience of the individual church-goer.

Blackadder : Caroline of Brunswick is the only available princess in Europe.
Baldrick : And what's wrong with her?
Blackadder : Get more coffee! It's horrid! Change it! Take me roughly from behind! No, not like that, like this! Trousers off! Tackle out! Walk the dog! Where's my presents!
Baldrick : All right! Which one do you want me to do first?
Blackadder : No, no that's what Caroline's like. She is famous for having the worst personality in Germany, and as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.

Blackadder : Have you ever been to Wales Baldrick?
Baldrick : No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
Blackadder : Well don't, it's a ghastly place. Huge gangs of tough sinewy men roam the valleys terrorising people with their close-harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the placenames. Never ask for directions in Wales Baldrick, you'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.

Blackadder : Crisis Baldrick, Crisis! No marriage, no money, more bills! For the first time in my life I've decided to follow a suggestion of yours. Saddle Prince George's horse.
Baldrick : Oh sir, you're not going to become a highwayman, are you?
Blackadder : No I'm auditioning for the part of Arnold the bat in Sheridon's new comedy.
Baldrick : Oh that's alright then.
Blackadder : Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
Baldrick : Yeah! It's like goldy and bronzy, only it's made of iron.

Blackadder : Well saddle my horse then.
Baldrick : What d'you think you've been eating for the last two months?
Blackadder : Well go out into the street and hire me a horse!
Baldrick : Hire you a horse? For ninepence? On Jewish new year in the rain? A bare fortnight after the dreaded horse plague of old London town? With the Blacksmith's strike in its fifteenth week and the Dorset horse fetishists fair tomorrow?

Sally : Oh, I'm overcome. Take me with you to live a life of the wild rogue, cuddling under haystacks and making love in the branches of tall trees.
Blackadder : Madam, sadly I must decline. I fear my horse would collapse with you on top of him as well as me!
Baldrick : I could try!
Blackadder : No Quicksilver, you couldn't.
Baldrick : But that's not fair then. I've had you on my back for ten miles and I haven't even got a kiss out of it.
Blackadder : Oh alright, very well then (kisses Baldrick). All fair now?
Baldrick : Not really, no.
Blackadder : Teh, no pleasing some horses. Hi-ho Quicksilver.
Baldrick : Neigh.